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Friday, August 22nd, 2003
11:32 am
starting over, new year, new people, it's almost over, gotta be fun.

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Tuesday, July 1st, 2003
7:08 pm - it's been awhile
since i've seen sarah. shes coming home this weekend. shes finally coming home. that makes me so happy.

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Tuesday, March 11th, 2003
10:38 pm - no regrets...
no regrets...growth. give yerself credit. everybody is different. their view of you may not be correct. does it really matter? who matters? YOU. who do you love? what do you know that no one else knows? take a chance. talk, listen, cry. you know how to laugh. make a fool of yerself. honestly. enjoy the highs, appreciate the lows...they are humbling. learn, learn about you. be aware. patience. be positive. be hopeful. don't ever let anyone destroy who you are and what you believe. be open to change and evolution. accept. reach out. ask questions. hear the answers. are they right? live for the moment but anticipate the future. a good one. you deserve it. work very hard. don't stop. admit weakness. yer strengths will speak for themselves. use yer gifts. yes, you have gifts. forgive. let go. swallow yer pride. but spit it up when yer done to make sure it's still intact. be gentle. strong. kiss. kissing is wonderful. keep a promise. conquer a fear. don't be perfect. be excellent. falter. balance. be grateful. be real. never give up. don't be afraid. i believe in you.
-alanis

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10:32 pm
i have so much. i'm so lucky. for fuck sakes, i get paid to go to school and play hockey, and i'm fucking up. i need to get myself together amd realize whats important in life, hockey and well school too even though i HATE it...its what gets me to play hockey...i gotta behave, but well sumtimes ya gotta let loose and its spring break in 2 days so yeah...i'm gonna have fun...oh heavens...i love cereal...sherrie and i still have it laying out on our table, all 20 boxes...and remember...you can't bullshit a bullshitter, thats for hitler...hahaha. lala. bedtime...only 2 more days of liftin at 730am...honestly, who lifts at 730am? only und hockey team...hooray. hooray hooray. oh no, i feel a hyper mood coming on. gotta hit the sack now.

current mood: giddy

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Sunday, March 9th, 2003
10:28 pm
i need sarah. i really really need sarah. i'm so alone right now and so sad, sarah is the only person i'd ever tell everything to and shes gone, ffffuuuuuuuuckkkkkk me man. fuck fuck fuck. i'm gonna explode at any second. like just blow up, into big fuckin pieces and theres not one thing anyone can do about it. i just need to be gone from everywhere. i need to disappear. i need to leave. i need to be okay.

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9:42 pm
'Trooper"---A trooper is one of the most important elements to a hockey team, and no team will succeed without one. A trooper is the one guy you can always count on to go drinking with, even when he has 3 Final Exams the next day, the trooper always comes out with you. The Trooper is usually one of the most popular guys on the team and is also the dumbest.'-hockey bible

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9:28 pm
i left the womb for this?
adults are big kids with money
i took a pain pill, why are you still here?

the ultimate job for stasia and abbey, thinking of stupid sayings for the american inn, just give us sum alcohol and we'll be set...you mean we get to drink on the job? sweeet baby!..."we get to drink to think"...i am at my smartest when i drink, haha.

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9:26 pm
toilet stolen, cops have nothing to go on.

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9:21 pm
spring break is so soon, so so sooooo soon!

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4:58 pm
i miss hockey...

don't worry, be happy, (if ya ever worry, give me yer number, i'll call ya and make ya happy)...only melissa...:)

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4:44 pm
Go about my business, I'm doing fine
Besides, what would I say if I had you on the line
Same old story, not much to say
Hearts are broken every day.

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Saturday, March 8th, 2003
11:52 pm
it's never enough, is it?

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Thursday, March 6th, 2003
11:37 pm - final five
the final five for the wcha is here this weekend. bemidji and ohio state played tonite, ohio state won 4-3 in overtime..with like 49 seconds left...watching it made me wanna play so bad, i wish our season wasn't over. i do love hockey. so much. fuckin, me abo and sherrie decided we'll redshirt for a year so we can play in the wcha for a year...it sucks that in 4 years of college hockey we'll never really play in a league...i wonder what coach would think of that. sherrie and i decided we are gonna play defense, i mean, with our powerful cannon and great dzone skills we would be such a threat at the blue line, coach didn't agree, shes like we need you guys scoring the goals, plus we decided we'd be very offensive defense so there really wouldn't be any defense, so yeah...awwwi wanna play hockey still, i don't like postseason, i can't move my legs, my arms are so sore, this is not right.oh well, we have the weekend off so we can party hard...then i have 4 days of lifting next week then i go home for spring break, super super! buttttt tomorrow we have off and i have no classes, so i can sleep all day, but actually i think i'm gonna wake up and go to the rink and run and do a yoga video thing with sherrie, why must i still workout when i don't have to? i'm such a weird child. but it'll keep me in shape for next season. oh my fuck, before abs everyday we have to do 5 perfect pushups/situps an squat jumps. its like so technical how they have to be done, you fuck up one thing and we start over and well our team is good at fucking things up so we end up doing so many of everything, they ALWAYS fuck up. but i guess it only makes us stronger eh? oh heavens, katy and i are decorating shirts to wear at the bar saturday nite..yeah...haha it'll be fun to say the least....ok i must sleeeeeepy and never wake up...i wish...

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Wednesday, March 5th, 2003
8:46 pm
going no where if you stay the path yer on. always tell me to not quit, to make sumthing of myself and fuckin look at you. loook at yerself. lead by example. a change would do you good.

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Tuesday, March 4th, 2003
10:43 pm - sar
i miss her. come back sar. come back come back. we used to talk on the phone like 5 times a day. and now, i can't talk to her unless she calls me. i need my sarbear. i'm gonna explode without her. speakin of sarah, i saw chloe and ish when i was back, i haven't seen them forever...we had a fun time together, we were sitting in my car in her driveway and two cars came up and sat on their street forever then they left and ish is like, follow them so i did and i think we scared em cus we followed them for a long time, finally they pulled over again so we left...poor lil kids. but yeah, my dearest scone, come back soon please. please please. my life is in turmoil without you. haha, thats so an SAT word buddy.

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10:17 pm
i wish i could disappear.

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Monday, March 3rd, 2003
9:53 pm - cereal day
sooooo. i went home for the weekend and i had soooo much fun..i was pretty messed up the whole time...i tend to be that way when i'm in omaha, i'm scared for the summertime, i gotta stay in shape for hockey, no drinking for this girl..right...i can try though eh...so i came back last nite, thinking i was tired, come home, abo and sherrie are drunk as fuck, they have been drinking since noon so i'm like fuck sherrie lets go to the liquor store, so we went and got more, went over to josh's and drank with them. those boys were asking me questions left and right about being gay, it was so funny, they are like man yer the first lesbian we've met, this is so cool. it was funny though. so we ate a lot last nite..well actually i hadn't eaten all day cus i was driving so i started drinking and got drunk fast so then sherrie and i went to the red pepper, then we made john go to mcdonalds bc his dad owns it so he gets it for free. so then, i went home, sherrie abo stayed the nite there, they came to workouts in the morning in josh's clothes and sherrie was wearing tschusons shoes, kinda ugly i might say. so they were trying to be sneaky and sneak across the parking lot rink at 7 this morning, which is kinda hard to do being that our parking lot is big to say the least...so i'm driving there, i take 3 big swigs of gatorade i got from the fridge, yeah turns out that gatorade had alcohol in it, it was so not the thing i wanted to taste at 7 in the morning when i was hungover..so then we are lifting...yeah we had to do 120 pounds of squats 20 TIMES! thats a lot of times...2 sets..the second set when we started i almost fell, i was so hungover, sherrie and i were so pale, fonzie so knew, he just patted us on the back and told us to keep it up haha...and in abs, i couldn't do any, and we had to do 20 exercises for 20 seconds each, sherries like i looked over at you to see if you were as bad as i was and you loooked like shit, i'm like yeah thanks buddy...so then we go home, take a nap, go to class, yeah kinda ran a stop sign accidentally, haha...then we come back from class and we were gonna go to the rink so i'm like aight i'm gonna leave my car running and sherrie goes ok we might have to go chase it later so we sit in our house for like 20 minutes so i'm like uh sherrie my car's still running and shes like man we got a long fuckin way to go stasia..so then we go skating and i go on the ice with my skateguards on..hahha, but i didn't fall, sherries like screaming "chris, chris, come see this, this is the funniest thing ever" so then we go to the store, we are in the checkout line and this girl starts talking to us and sumhow we got into talking about taking notes and how i write the date on my notes everytime and she was making fun of me, so we had this long conversation so we leave, sherries like who is that, i'm liek fuck if i know, shes like you just had that long of a conversation with sumone you don't know, i'm like yup sure did...so yeah, we had a weird day. so to top it off. we decided that tomorrow is cereal day, all we can eat is cereal..we can put bananas on our cereal though..but yeah, thats our diet, cereal..are we losers? yeah, i think so...

current mood: drained

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Friday, February 21st, 2003
8:08 pm - last weekend of hockey
we play our last game sunday. kinda weird, this season went so fast...but don't fret, its deffy not over, fuckin have workouts every morning at 7:30 til the end of the school year, we're gonna be buff, oh wait, we already are, we're gonna be buffer than buff...but i am sad that the season is over, i hate to say it but waking up at 545 the first semester and 615 this semester wasn't too bad, you get used to it...travelling every weekend and not being able to go out was fine with me bc well all my friends are on my hockey team so they are really the only people i hang out with anyways. i just can't believe that i've played 3 years of college hockey already, i can't believe that last year will be my last, shit man, what will i do then? i'll go from working out like 3 hours a day to ummm nothing, it'll be nice, but weird. i'm really blah right now, i feel lost. i did jackshit all week. no homework, i have a lab due monday and a test and paper due wednesday, so i'm gonna stay home tonite and get that shit done. BUT, there is a 70's party tonite at josh's haha...and we don't have hockey til 10 tomorrow, so we getta sleep in, and its our last practice of the year, well tuesday we have testing on ice but that won't be bad. sassy, sassy is the word of the day. haha :)

current mood: peaceful

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Thursday, February 20th, 2003
6:21 am
bring it...it's already been brought! hahaaaa this will be fun.

current mood: giggly

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Tuesday, February 18th, 2003
6:44 am
lets practice like shit all week and see if we still start -me
stasia, we always practice like shit and still always start -sherrie
oh yeah...well lets not even put the E in effort and see if we start, lets not make that extra backcheck -me
but you gotta, bc i'm the person stuck there -abo
ok lets really take the E out of effort -me

man, i think hurricane andrew hit our house this weekend -me
stasia, that was like 20 years ago -sherrie
there can be delayed reactions can't there? -me

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